Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
