i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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