my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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