So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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