And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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