you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
