Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
