i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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