I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize