why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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