So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize