well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
