After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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