If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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