either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
