Can Purell be used as lube?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
