Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
