And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
