over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
