Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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