I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
