Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
