can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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