I want to walk on stilts...naked
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
