He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
