what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
