I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
