I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
