I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
