i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
