Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize