Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
