Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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