Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
