dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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