You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize