im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
