He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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