i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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