Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
