i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
