I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
