Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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