I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
