she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
