This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize