Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
