so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
