her vagine was all disorganized.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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