What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
