I want to have your abortion
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
