Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
