who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
