Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
