if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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