Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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