come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
