got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
