I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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