So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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