Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize