not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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