doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
