yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
