it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
