My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
