Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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