Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
