Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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