don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize