his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
