we have pet lesbian snakes
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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