And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
