Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
