Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I cut my penus on the lid.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
