i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
be right there i have to get my cape
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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