Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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