ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
