I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
