you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
