My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
