I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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