I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
