so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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