Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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