Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
